Aethera session #2: We didn't start the fire

My players have at times called me God. I don't fathom what it might be like to be the supreme creator. I have an idea for a weekly game, and my players follow through. Sometimes, they make mistakes. The kind of mistakes which, if you were a parent, you'd feel obligated to punish your child for. And it's not out of malice that you do either; it's out of the sincere hope that they'd learn to make wiser decisions in a life full of tumult. 

Our St. Louis friends ignoring homework and gainful employment opportunities.

So, let's say that God's here. Let's say that free will is objectively a cornerstone of the reality you have created. After all, it's barely interesting for everyone involved if, as God, you pushed your independent humans towards a road they couldn't walk away from. Your followers would revolt against a strifeless life that didn't push or challenge them. Burden is the hot, hyperkinetic water that a man is steeped in to brew glory. This is simply the way humans are.

John representing a team of scum and villainy.

The party entered Orbis Aurea through its atmosphere. Granted, this shouldn't be possible because there's a layer of netherite in the atmosphere that should deactivate an aethership upon entry. Most expeditions to the planet have thus resulted in scattered ship debris and lost, misspent lives. However, I kind of forgot about that detail when I had the party visit the planet. So I made up a caveat; the planet is currently in it's spring season, and the netherite layer ebbs and flows and it was out of sheer dumb luck that the party made it through.

I also said the party would be visiting a town called Freeport but then I remembered that Freeport is the name of an already published campaign setting and I'm totally not one to just jack a name like that.

I've never read it so I know nothing about it. You can buy it here though!

So I said, "the GM made a mistake last session and called the city you were visiting Freeport. That is incorrect and its real name is Noctis."

That's technically not any better.

So we visit Noctis, a walled city of modest size. It's populated by local panda okanta, bipedal beastmen with horns on their heads. I chose pandas only because I bought a dozen of these small panda figures from a Goodwill for $2. They were told last session they need to extract a Hierarchy deserter named Aleksi who has stolen information about a secret crisis-level war machine. The party heads to the bar to gather info and find out he was arrested a few nights before for the murder of the mayor's son, Bobo. The Hierarchy is aware of this and wanted to extradite him back to Akasaat, but the Orbis Ourean city-state demands to try Aleksi here. The case suddenly has very important diplomatic consequences.

I imagine he looks like this, but he flash kicks less.

The party visits Aleksi in jail. Kyle/#3 and Austin/Rokkel attempt to steal keys from the guards to break Aleksi out, but they fail and barely avoid getting caught. Aleksi confides in the party that he was at the scene of the murder and remembered having an argument with Bobo, but didn't kill him.

Rest in peace Bobo. 

Without any better options, the party offers to take the role of Aleksi's legal council. However, it's a ruse to buy them enough time to buy enough flammable material to craft molotov cocktails. Bri/Dread Hawk and #3 wander around town in the morning before the trial to find an appropriate building to light on fire, to create a large enough diversion that they could whisk Aleksi away during the trial. However, it doesn't take, because two robots in broad daylight trying to light houses on fire in the morning will draw attention from the panda police. After getting into a quick scuffle with some of the okanta, Dread Hawk and #3 are called by their allies to sit at Aleksi's side.

Professor Layton vs. Phoenix Wright is pretty solid, btw.

So here's what happened. The day before, the party investigated the alley where Bobo was killed. They learned that it's really dark and found an empty bottle which contained... something. Analysis from an apothecary revealed that it was a bottle of invisibility potion, so the party had this submitted as evidence. The first witness was Mei, a panda opera singer. She claimed to witness the defendant slash at the victim violently with his lightsaber psionic blade the night of the murder.

John/Benny was all over that. He said the testimony was a direct contradiction of the victim's autopsy; killed by a single stab wound from the back, to the heart. No slashing wounds indicated elsewhere. Dread Hawk chimed in, stating that the alleyway was too dark for visibility even during the day.

The prosecutor suggested that it was dark enough for the witness to mistakenly assume Aleksi's slashes hit Bobo, but the light emitted from the psionic blade was enough for the witness to determine the identity of the attacker. Rokkel called the prosecutor out for leading on the witness, but it was too late and she amended her testimony with those exact details.

She said that saw the brilliant red light of Aleksi's blade illuminate the blood coming out of poor Bobo. However, the party asked to see Aleksi's blade activate, and saw that it had a blue light. With that, her entire testimony was thrown out and the witness was held in contempt.

The next witness called to the stand was Hierarchy agent Mary Fairweather. Fairweather was sent to retrieve Aleksi, but was unable to extradite him after he was charged with murder. Fairweather's testimony was different; Aleksi struggled with Bobo, hence the wild swinging, and stabbed him through the back afterward, adding it was impossible that anyone else could've been there. The party objected, presenting the bottle of invisibility potion as evidence, noting a Hierarchy seal on the side of it suggesting that the killer was a government agent sent to frame Aleksi expecting to get him off the planet. But after some diplomatic difficulty, it'd be easier to simply have him lose his trial and await a swift execution.

Don't fuck up. 

Because of the highly political nature of the trial, and the sloppy investigation by the prosecution, enough reasonable doubt was established to let Aleksi go. The party takes him on board the Jessyn, but only make it out several miles before Fairweather bursts out of the ship's windows and fights the party.

They knock her out, and Rokkel vents out his frustrations by trying to chop off a forearm of hers. Only he misses and cuts off his own hand. Enraged at himself, he relieves Fairweather of two whole arms instead. 

The party makes it to the space elevator, finding Hierarchy guards there. I think this is the part where I fucked up because I'm now not sure if they would be acting as gate agents for the elevator, but whatever. Benny tells them that they have Aleksi and they want passage. The guards surround the party and attack them until Rokkel blasts the shit out of them and the elevator, rendering it inoperable for the time being.

Their only choice now is to wait until they can fly out of a netherite layer deaf spot. They have two weeks until the next one forms, so they'll have to camp out and avoid contact with civilization until then.

You fucked up.

Mathboxer: for when your fists must register on an emotional level.

Presenting the mathboxer, an archetype of the alchemist for the Pathfinder Roleplaying Game, compatible with the 3rd edition of the world's most popular roleplaying game. Masters of the science sweetest, mathboxers possess a studied approach to fisticuffs and combat.

Ada Lovelace, early master of mathboxing.

Weapon and Armor Proficiency: A mathboxer is proficient with all monk weapons, including exotic monk weapons.  When wearing armor, using a shield, or carrying a medium or heavy load, a mathboxer loses her AC bonus and flurry of blows. This replaces the alchemist's weapon and armor proficiency.

AC Bonus (Ex): Calculations and probability guide a mathboxer to avoid harm. A mathboxer adds her  Intelligence modifier (minimum 0) to her AC and her CMD. In addition, a mathboxer gains a +1 dodge bonus to AC and CMD at 4th level. This bonus increases by 1 for every 4 levels thereafter (to a maximum of +5 at 20th level).

These bonuses to AC apply even against touch attacks or when the mathboxer is flat-footed. She loses these bonuses when she is immobilized or helpless, when she wears any armor, when she carries a shield, or when she carries a medium or heavy load.

Analytical Fighter: In combat, mathboxers use abstract formulas and probability to inform them. A mathboxer uses her Intelligence modifier to her melee attack rolls and damage rolls, instead of her Strength modifier.

At 14th level, as a free action, a mathboxer's unarmed strikes may count as touch attacks a number of rounds a day equal to her Intelligence modifier, ignoring a target's armor bonus, shield bonus, and natural armor bonus.

Blast Knuckles: Mathboxers do not hurl their bombs, and instead place small alchemical vials on their extremities, delivering bomb blasts through their unarmed strikes. A mathboxer's bombs do not deliver splash damage. This ability modifies bomb.

Unarmed Strike: At 1st level, a mathboxer gains Improved Unarmed Strike as a bonus feat. She also treats her alchemist levels as monk levels when determining the amount of damage of her unarmed strikes. This ability replaces throw anything.

Flurry of Blows (Ex): At 1st level, a mathboxer can make a flurry of blows attack as a full-attack action. This ability works like the monk ability of the same name. This ability replaces mutagen and persistent mutagen.

So this archetype comes from the savage action mathematician Ada Lovelace (as presented in Sydney Padua's wonderful comic) as well as that one scene from the Sherlock Holmes movie where Robert Downey Jr. beats up the dude in his mind and then beats him up IRL. I like the idea of geniuses seeing a graphic overlay of the Pythagorean theorem above a dude's head a split-second before they elbow that dude.

In the end, bomb gets kinda nerfed, (or rather, it becomes awesome but less practical) and mutagen is a huge loss, but you get the flurry, the AC bonus, and the touch attacks much later to help make up for it. But hey, enjoy the INT-based punches and kicks.

Aethera session #1: Thai takeout ship

Google Hangouts and Skype are equally suboptimal across at least four of my devices.

Late last year, I was brought on by Robert to write a little bit for his Aethera setting for Pathfinder. Ever since then, I really wanted to try my hand at GMing a sci-fi campaign, especially with Aethera's weird blend of Prohibition-era jazz hovercars and living tree-people ships. I've been running another, more traditionally fantasy Pathfinder campaign since March and I've been wanting to talk about that for some time also. Between the constantly rotating player roster, the effort I've had to put forth to design crazy shit, I just put the idea to bed.

Up until yesterday at least. Circumstances have rendered my player party short for our usual Sunday game, so I decided to do a one-off Aethera session that could very well be our new game, or at least our side campaign which may-or-may-not be related to the Seclusi Legend of slugmen, Drowlabama and Boricua monks.

Dread Hawk, 2nd level phalanx fighter.

Bri is one of the original players of the last campaign. There, she was an emberkin rogue/druid charged to raise and ultimately restore a phoenix chick. Later on in-game, she became a technical pacifist and sought the righteous path, immediately earning her the ire of the other homicide-inclined characters in the party.

In the Aethera system, Bri is a phalanx fighter, bashing you with a warhammer stab-slicing you with chakrams. Aethera's setting doesn't have any gods, but that didn't stop her from putting down "THE STRONGEST" as her chosen diety.

Rokkel, 2nd level infused telekineticist.

Austin is another one of the original players from the aforementioned Pathfinder game. There, he was a chaotic neutral half-elf wizard and played him about as you would expect. Here, Rokkel is a neutral evil kind-of-a-force-wielding-Jedi-but-not-really type asexual playing the long con. This is also the best picture I currently have of him.

They're currently living in St. Louis and play with us via alternating forms of inadequate telecommunication, but we're all managing.

Benny, 2nd level human gypsy bard.

John is a relatively recent addition to the group, and the most experienced RPG player among us. He previously played Castian, a half-elf dervish defender warder who was Serious Business Man, but is now a conniving tattoo artist bard out to clear his name.

#3, 2nd level phalanx monk.

Kyle is completely new, and is John's stepson. He's also totally in your face.

I'm forever intrigued by sci-fi. I understand traditional fantasy and all of its permutations. Even if you limited yourself to western European mythology and Tolkeinesque mythos, you have a fair amount of variety (especially when you include fantasy derived from other world mythology) but you have an understanding: savage monsters befalling meek pastoral men. Hack, slash, save the world.

Sci-fi is a different beast of fiction that's about navigating contemporary society removed from contemporary times, informed by the speculation of the course of technology. I emphasize navigating contemporary society since much of the genre is social commentary in all of the ways fantasy is generally not. 

(Which isn't to say fantasy doesn't do that. It can. Sometimes it does. I just feel that fantasy's about psychological creepiness and internal pathos made external vis-a-vis monsters and the archetypal dungeon.)

So, sci-fi does a lot of things and its represented by all sorts of gameable springboards. Alien, Star Trek, Independence Day, Star Wars, Gundam, Dr. Who and Gurren Lagann all offer completely different frames of reference for the mysticism of space, which might just be what links all of these disparate things. Knowing what characters my players rolled up, I decided that I'd go with a little Star Wars (at least, the dogfights, desperate protagonists, and the fascist regimes, and not so much the mysticism, predestination and the thousand different alien species), and a little pulp grit since my party is designed to beat things up.

Don't leave things in the refrigerator.

So I went with Cowboy Bebop.

Or you have to fight them, as represented by a lone die.

First, the party started off with the ship, christened the S.S. Jessyn (named after a prince from the last campaign that everyone seemed to like). I had everyone roll a d20 before play began, and averaged the results. They came up with a 10.5, which was enough to let them have a decent ship starting off and one functional turret. 9 or under would have netted them a derelict space tour bus; 16 or higher would've landed them the White Base, while four 20s would have netted them the gotdamn Super Galaxy Dai-Gurren. Instead, the get something in-between the Serenity and the Bebop.

Actually, before anything else, I gave the players an overview on Aethera. The long-standing war between the humans and erathi, the cruel creation and exploitation of the infused and the phalanx, the okanta who were just cool, and the badass taur dudes with inexplicable labyrinth ships which may-or-may-not adhere to Euclidian geometry. They seemed to really like that bit. I'll keep that in mind.

Cowboy Bebop's Toys in the Attic episode had the gang forgot about leftovers hanging out in the fridge for months, allowing a fungal entity to incubate in it and stalk the crew. So, that's what happened here. Rokkel and Benny, the only crew members who have to eat, get attacked by a black pudding. It grew out of the Chinese takeout they had in there a while back, and Benny vowed to get Thai the next time they encountered a takeout food ship.

This sort of thing works as an introduction for people who haven't played RPGs or anything before, but I forgot that my players know what they're doing. Rokkel mage hands the pudding out the trash chute, but not before Kyle's #3 grapples it and uses Brazilian jiu-jitsu holds to crank it into submission.

That's when I realized, "yeah, that kid's good, he's gonna go far in this life."

The party of the Jessyn received a job to meet up with Gull, political activist and DJ vox rider of Radio Andromeda, a wandering radio broadcast mothership that airs progressive political commentary and jazz-hip hop mashups. When they arrive, they see Radio Andromeda fighting this thing: 

Like this, only think there's an actual orchestra playing beneath the speakers.

The Horizon Hallelujah. It's based on Nonon's Symphony Regalia from Kill La Kill (a fact Bri picked up on immediately). How it works is, it's a cruiser-class ship that has a symbiote attached to it and a human owner. The Halleljuah is a covert-ops ship sent from the Hierarchy, the human-run government entity, to take down what was basically the Young Turks' spaceship. 

A cantor, or Aethera's own divine spellcasting class, conducts the ship which looks like speakers blaring from an orchestra. She's able to survive in space due to the symbiote which holds the symphonic-mechanical monstrosity together. I had Bach playing in the background, frustrating players who had to speak over it, while the cantor herself talked shit. It's actually kind of a hard boss fight at only 2nd level, so I gave them "just kill the squishy human" as a win condition.

Bri, realizing that phalanx were robots and did not have to eat, therefore did not have the energy conversion system other organisms had. So, if phalanx didn't have to eat and did not have a discernible biology, they ought to be able to survive the vacuum of space.

I couldn't argue with that. Dread Hawk and #3 leapt out of the trash chute from earlier and spoke to the cantor. Dread Hawk was immediately charmed by the immense power the cantor wielded however, and immediately bowed before her in admiration. When the cantor demanded Dread Hawk kill her companions however, the phalanx responded by beating her over the head with her warhammer. Dizzied, #3 put the cantor in a kimura lock before chucking her into space. Then she died.

Austin and John tried, but they soon lamented how their classes didn't allow them to do anything particularly awesome during space combat. I guess I'll allow them to buy more turrets and fix the teleporter on the ship.

An unfinished sketch from last year which, looking at it now, is kinda not bad.

They finally meet Gull, who gives the party 1,000 GP (or aether-credit equivalent) each for saving the station's ass. Austin, as per his nature, pops off at Gull for more money, which he gives him for the job they're about to take. They're to travel to Orbis Aurea, the icy wasteland planet home to the okanta beastmen, to recover a former elite Vanguard soldier who's defected and wants a tell-all interview with Radio Andromeda.

Afterward, the party barely survives entering Orbis Aurea's atmosphere and lands far away from their rendezvous point. The Jessyn is ensnared with hooks and ropes by cloaked tiger okanta who look kinda like this:

A jankier unfinished sketch from a couple years ago.

But Benny talked good enough shit (and Rokkel shot a mage hand through the ship's turret to pull in one of the okanta up through the garbage chute) and they let the party go.

So, that's where they're headed. It was anime. It was cool.

Carrion cloud

So I did a monster based on a couple paintings by a friend and former co-worker of mine. Nikki's art is full of gameables and I'm going to plunder the hell out of her portfolio for ideas. Starting with this one. The carrion cloud is one part this painting, another part the living mirage from Pathfinder's Bestiary 5, except more of an asshole.

Art by Nikki Velarde

Overactive imaginations can perceive familiar shapes and forms in the clouds above. This much is known. Some clouds are even remarkable in how much they resemble an animal or a person. However, if a cloud above resembles a creature that has gone missing, there is a possibility that what you're looking at is a carrion cloud. Carrion clouds aren't clouds at all. They're massive, translucent, flying oozes that happen to resemble clouds. They're voracious carnivores that rest in the sky and only descend upon land to track prey. They prefer to hunt at sunset, for when they consume their victims, the blood soaks through their translucent mass and temporarily stains them red. Carrion clouds then hide in front of the setting sun, to avoid detection.

Carrion clouds have a broad migration route, racing alongside the clouds. While carrion clouds do not derive sustenance from actual clouds, they still consume them to gain mass. For unknown reasons, carrion clouds have a tendency to take shapes that resemble creatures they've recently ingested.

Carrion Cloud
CR 10

XP 9,600

N Gargantuan ooze

Init +5

DEFENSE

AC 6, touch 6, flat-footed 6 (-4 size)

hp 114 (12d8+60)

Fort +4 Ref -1 Will -3

Defensive Abilities gaseous, imperceptible; DR 10/magic;

Immune acid, ooze traits

Weaknesses vulnerable to wind

OFFENSE

Speed fly 40 ft. (perfect)

Melee touch +6 (6d6+4 plus cloudgaze) 

Space 20 ft.; Reach 20 ft.

Special Attacks driplash, cloudgaze

STATISTICS

Str - Dex 16 Con 20 Int - Wis 1 Cha 10

Base Atk +8; CMB +13; CMD 23

Skills Fly +5

SQ gaseous

Engulf (Ex): A carrion cloud can engulf foes (as per the universal monster ability). A creature engulfed by a carrion cloud can move normally and is not in danger of suffocating, but as long as it begins its turn engulfed, it's subject to cloudgaze in addition to the damage the attack causes. The save DC is Strength-based.

Driplash (Ex): A carrion cloud can shoot an acid tendril as a standard action in a 30-foot line or flood acid as a 10-foot cone. Creatures in the area must succeed on a Reflex Save of 21 (DC 10 + ½ carrion cloud HD + carrion cloud Con modifier) or take 2d8+4 points of acid damage.

Cloudgaze (Ex): A carrion cloud's chemical makeup creates feelings of warmth and euphoria to creatures that come in contact with it. Creatures must succeed on a Fortitude Save of 18 (DC 10 + ½ carrion cloud HD + carrion cloud Dex modifier) or become euphoric for 1d6 rounds. This is a non-magical mind-affecting effect that is otherwise identical to euphoric tranquility.

Gaseous (Ex): A carrion cloud has a body composed of transparent mist. It can pass through small holes or narrow openings, even mere cracks, but cannot enter water or other liquid. It has no strength score, and cannot manipulate objects as a result.

Imperceptible (Ex): A carrion cloud is practically invisible though the air it occupies shimmers faintly. Before a creature can attack it, it must succeed on a DC 20 Perception check. Once passed, the carrion cloud can be attacked by the creature for 1d6 rounds. The carrion cloud loses this ability after ingesting a creature as it turns dark red.

Vulnerable to Wind (Ex): A carrion cloud is treated as a Small creature for the purposes of determining the effects high wind has upon it.

Random Book Gameables, Vol. 1

Gifts, used book sales, and forgotten Amazon buys.

I own assorted books. They've been languishing in the darkness of my garage for years. Now I revive them, by picking them apart for gameables. Some of these ideas are gold, others are shit; you are very capable of turning the shit ones into non shit ones.

Roll 1d6. Now roll that many d100s and select corresponding entries from the table below. Adapt the quote or description into an element of your campaign. As nearly all of the following lines are ripped out of context, feel free to interpret these entries in whatever direction is the most ridiculous or thought-provoking.

Maybe they're said by an NPC. Maybe they broadly describe an encounter. Maybe they describe some new rule. You're the boss of your own destiny and I believe you'll make my mess work.

American Nature Writing 1995
A collection of nature-related essays. Surprisingly filled with sentences that I want to play.

1. I look around at the brilliantly sunlit fields spreading in every direction, rich green burnished with late-summer gold, and I sense the continent shift eastward.
2. Our relationship to the Great North American Prairie, especially the tallgrass prairie, is a paradigm, perhaps the paradigm of our relationship to Earth
3. The musk ox had been skinned, and now everyone was working to cut off the legs. In the cold air, the carcass steamed.
4. The federal government hoped that Natives would become educated about the provisions of the law and that they would organize through the corporations and make informed decisions.
5. It is gypsies who save us. They are coming up the steps of a dungeonlike place, a young boy and two women dressed in bright clothes and jewelry, and our paths intersect.
6. the alley is swarming with people and bicycles. A wild, stocky, bearded, redheaded, troll-looking man throws open the gate and peers at us. He is dressed in hiking shorts with suspenders, and is wearing heavy boots with knee-high stockings held up by garters. He has on a long-sleeved wool shirt and one of those funny little Robin Hood caps with a feather stuck in it.
7. “My imaginary friend really lived once,” the teenage girl began, head bent, her fingers twisting her long red hair.
8. One of the girls called herself Nero the White Wolf and wandered the blackened tundra howling her powerful despair; another girl was a unicorn whose horn always told the truth.
9. A fierce commander of this hunt was Rat, whose army of computerized comrades could read brain waves and call down lightning lasers as weapons.
10. We were staying at the Cruvies House, a large cottage on the river at the bottom of the Falls beat, complete with a tile-floored fishermen's changing room and a heated drying closet for waders and rain gear.
11. “So where do you suppose that would be?” I asked. “Oh,” he said, making a gesture that seemed to include the whole pool, “all through there.”
12. Though my visit to the great hole was brief, the experience marked me, settled into my being.
13. But you can't go there, you can't see it for yourself. I've been, though. I go all the time. To the bottom of the sea, to the Octopus's Garden.
14. I feel the silence more than hear it; it feels cold, oppressive, alien. My voice in the silence sounds thin and nervous, insignificant. Never am I more conscious of the tons of water that overlie me.
15. Grizzly Lake, the maps told me, is a deep glacial tarn in the center of a huge glacial bowl just below timberline.
16. “Eva, what do you think it means that we have to do this? What does it mean for us to find this dead whale?” The whale is long-gone now, washed off the sloping beach where we found it. The shoreline has recovered itself from the imprint of its body by the roiling of stones resettling themselves as the tide rises again and again. It's floating body has dissolved into the blue-green coldness of salt water.
17. As I write, the Philippine or monkey-eating eagle, majestic symbol of the nation's fauna, is down to 200 or fewer individuals.
18. If only we could see, that when the child returns from the woods unharmed, all the diamondbacks are blessed.
19. I do not think the caribou fears the wolf, as humans so obsessively fear the shadows on the edge of their former world.
20. The sound that dominates here is a soft creaking of cardboard boxes

Palimpsest
Mythpunk novel about a sexually transmitted fantasy city and the broken people who seek it out. I didn't do this one enough justice and I'll scavenge more from it when I do another post.

21. guided up and out of him, guided into her, guided across the silver tracks of heaven.
22. He tries to catch the woman's gaze-but he will fail. She is not for you, poor boy!
23. They stare straight ahaed into her pink and gray-speckled mouth, and the red thread sweeps tight against their wrists. On four laps the frog-oracle lays four cards, but they do not look down, not yet. But we may, we who peer. We who disturb.
24. The road stretches before and beyond, lit by streetlamps with swollen pumpkin-gloves, and the gutters run with a sudden, utter rain.
25. The bees spiral through the door of this shop, which has no bell, for this is a far place and such things are as old-fashioned as egg creams, and dive into the expanse of a lavender suit
26. She leans her head on its shoulder, not a queen but a mate, a maid, a whore in the kingdom of the bees
27. “I missed you, Olezhka,” said the dead mouth of the other Lyudmila, her red dress far too small now, the weeds of the Volkhov still throttling her neck.
28. slavering, pilgrim-fervent, the crowd leans forward as one great, spangled body to see the poor beasts run.
29. In the center of the roundabout, the ostrich-girl died unweeping while her father had his long throat slashed with an ivory bayonet.
30. Each morning, Philomena places her latest map on the windowsill like a fresh pie. Slowly, as it cools, it opens along its own creases, its corners like wings, and takes halting flight, flapping over the city with susurring strokes. It folds itself, origami-exact, in midair: it has papery eyes, inky feathers, vellum claws.
31. Zarzaparrilla Street is paved with old coats. Layer after layer of fine corduroy and felt and wool the colors of coffee and ink. Those having business here must navigate with pole and gondola
32. Almudena, Mendicant-Queen! The smallest house must surely be hers, most debased, most humble.
33. Before them dozens of tables spread out with ruby-colored tablecloths and pearl candelabras-it is a restaurant, vast and bustling.
34. “I thought so! Your gait is quite gauche. An immigrant! How charming! Tell us, boy, is it true that you can't see yellow or blue?”
35. Her lips etch a hard black line; her hair folds back and back like the wrapping of a prsent. She approaches, her red eyelids downcast, and in her naked hands she cradles a teacup. The tea, too, is red, and smells of cinnamon. The woman opens her dark mouth and inserts her thumb and forefinger-she pulls a small lump of opium from beneath her tongue and places it into the cup like a lump of sugar.
36. You are our own thing, our squash-blossom, our orchid-stem. We are the leaves of you, you must look at us and call us green, call us gold.
37. I wanted a body and the components of a body were available to me. But I run beneath you, silent and fatal and huge.
38. There is a machine for stamping cockroaches with glistening green carapaces, their maker's mark hidden cleverly under the left wing.
39. There is a printing press for graffiti which spits out effervescent letters in scarlet, black, angry yrllows, and the trademark green of Casimira. They fly from the high windows and flatten themselves against walls, trestles, train cars.
40. A woman sings of a child with the head of a frog who fought in the war, who in the center of the battlefield sang dirges to all she killed with her small pistols.

Nuestro New York: An Anthology of Puerto Rican Plays
A collection of plays all about being Puerto Rican in New York City. I pull a lot from Marisol, which is this batshit play about legions of angels going to war against a slovenly God from the perspective of a middle class Puerto Rican woman who's witnessing all of this and just thinks she's fucked up.

41. A man is worshipping a fire hydrant on Taylor Avenue, Marisol. He's draping rosaries on it, genuflecting hard. An old woman's selling charmed chicken blood in see-through ziplock bags for a buck.
42. Is it true angels' favorite food is thousand island dressing? Is it true your shit smells like mangos and when you're drunk you speak Portuguese?!
43. To enter the world as a thing established, it must come from your lips. For you to come to me … there has to be great pain, great anger. Do you wish me to bind them?
44. Is the new Messiah swimming in my electrified womb? Is the supersperm of God growing a mythic flower deep in the secret greenhouse inside me? Will my morning sickness taste like communion wine?
45. Frisking Tony, he finds a gun, a machete, a hangman's noose, a baseball bat, a hatchet, an ice pick, a hammer, and a hand grenade.
46. Why has the color blue disappeared from the sky? Why does common rainwater turn your skin bright red? Why do cows give salty milk? Why did the Plague kill half my friends? AND WHAT HAPPENED TO THE MOON? Where did the moon go? How come nobody's seen it in nearly nine months...?
47. There's going to be a war. A revolution of angels. … Soon we're going to send out spies, draft able-bodied celestial beings, raise taxes...
48. New ideas rip the Heavens. New powers are created. New miracles are signed into law. It's the first day of the new history …
49. My name is Carmen. I'm the northwest Bronx distributor of Bibles. I have a big selection. DO you or have you ever owned a Bible?
50. She was a loose woman. For every pair of shoes, she had a man.
51. There are window bars of “safety gates” on each window. The floor is covered with black tile, which has been worn with time and use.
52. She runs her hands through her hair as if trying to keep from going mad. The African drums are heard softly in the distance.
53. You have to take the gusto out of life and squeeze its little bitter body. Squeeze it until the last drop, then swallow the body.
54. Serving as a stove in the kitchen alcove is another wooden table with a top of hard-packed earth. Three blackened stones sit on this
55. Two small shelves on the back wall hold a small radio and a statuette of the Virgin. Pictures of movie stars have been pasted up along with some religious pictures from calendars.
56. DEAR GOD, WHO DO I HAVE TO BETRAY TO GET OUT OF THIS FUCKING MESS?!
57. On one hand, we're nothing. We're dirt. On the other hand, we're the reason the universe was made.
58. Galaxies spring from a single drop of angel's sweat
59. Three hundred million million beautiful rebel angels die in the first charge of the Final Battle.
60. New ideas rip the Heavens. New powers are created. New miracles are signed into law. It's the first day of the new history...

Rockets in Ursa Major
British sci-fi novella adapted from a play written by an astrophysicist who did not ever need to write fiction. This book sucks so try to desecrate the entries below.

61. We were winning, when the federation appealed to the Yela for help. The Yela decided against us-from the on it wasn't really a war any more-only continuous disasters.
62. Thanks. Let me know the time of Operation Cremation.
63. from what I could remember there were a number of aerial points. These were collapsible, and could be withdrawn into the ground. The electronics were fed through small tunnels from the control room.
64. In my tool kit I'd put a small radio receiver which was capable of picking up ultra high frequency waves.
65. “Galactic skirmishes, top brass on my neck, big flap here, Atlanta Belpuize and now this.”
66. “Hm. An alien intelligence,” said the Minister. “What would you say to that, Bob?” turning to the Chief of Staff.
67. “The trouble is we can't get much beyond Jupiter, and I'd really like to get at least as far as Neptune.”
68. It's a strange sensation to spin slowly through space at a constant speed, which one doesn't feel.
69. Drinks began to appear. It struck me as rather funny. Were they celebrating our safe return, or the destruction we had wrought?
70. The clean clothes felt wonderful, as did the cup of coffee I made.
71. I took hold of her hand and we made our way out of the pub. She was quiet as we walked back to the helicopter.
72. “Possibly because we've destroyed so much in the past that people don't really care what happens any more.”
73. Some of the stalls we passed were stacked high with potatoes, lettuce, fruit and flowers.
74. “The idea came to me, we could use the Sun as a sort of radiation bomb.”
75. For a second or so we just stared at the creature and then laughed with relief. It was squat and badger-like, but with a round gentle face. A timid roly-poly animal looking more like a cuddly toy than a fearsome enemy.
76. “Hullo there, are you O.K.? Over,” came an enquiry in a very polite English voice.
77. Within a few minutes the whole atmosphere everywhere-is a raging inferno.
78. The path of the brightness was spreading slowly like a snake across a small part of the surface.
79. Edelweiss. Your instructions are as follows. Take the group at maximum speed to heliocentric longitude 217°, centi-astronomical units 92. I'll follow a day behind. Over.
80. By God. It's fantastic. It looks as if the whole Sun is blowing up!

Grimm's Complete Fairy Tales
Fairy tales are wacky cool shit. But as it turns out a lot of them are kind of the same. I was expecting more metal for some reason?

81. Then the sparrow cried, “Thou hast run over my brother dog and killed him, it shall cost thee thy cart and horses.”
82. the princess slipped and fell, and the glass-mountain opened and shut her up inside it
83. Then the King flew into a passion, and ordered a dark tower to be built, into which no ray of sunlight or moonlight should enter. When it was finished, he said, “Therein shalt thou be imprisoned for seven years, and then I will come and see if thy perverse spirit is broken.”
84. The baby's mother lay in a bed of black ebony ornamented with pearls, the coverlids were embroidered with gold, the cradle was of ivory, the bath of gold.
85. Then the girl threw behind her a looking-glass which formed a hill of mirrors, and was so slippery that it was impossible for the nix to cross it.
86. The cooks were ordered to bring up some live coals, and these he ate, until the flames broke forth from his throat
87. just as the maiden was standing beneath the doorway, a heavy shower of golden rain fell, and all the gold remained sticking to her, so that she was completely covered over with it.
88. “If he loves me with all his heart,” said she, “of what use will life be to him afterwards?”
89. Yonder stands an old tree; cut it down, and at its roots you will find something
90. Said the dragon, “Many knights have left their lives here, I shall soon have made an end of thee too,” and he breathed fire out of seven jaws.
91. East India was besieged by an enemy who would not retire until he had received six hundred dollars.
92. Suddenly some stars from heaven fell down, and they were nothing else but hard smooth pieces of money
93. Thereupon Death climbed up, but when he wanted to come down again, he could not, and Gambling Hansel left him up there for seven years, during which time no one died.
94. There were two crows which were mowing a meadow, and I saw two gnats building a bridge, and two doves tore a wolf to pieces
95. “Whip with it and crack it, and then as much gold will spring up round about as you can wish for”
96. But the Queen-bee came out, threatened him and said, “If thou touchest my people, and destroyest my nest, our stings shall pierce they skin like ten thousand red-hot needles. But if you wilt leave us in peace and go thy way, we will do thee a service for it another time.”
97. She was as white as snow, as rosy as apple-blossom, and her hair as radiant as sun-beams. When she cried, not tears fell from her eyes, but pearls and jewels only.
98. Once she gave her a little cap of red velvet, which suited her so well that she would never wear anything else
99. At this time the birds also had their own language which every one understood
100. At last the woman came back , and said in a hollow voice, “Greet thee, Zachiel”